Lost Innoncence

I've been thinking a lot about innoncence.

Innocence in the sense of not knowing. Because once you know something, you can't get back to ignorance. You have to live the rest of your life knowing. I think there is a heavy burden that goes along with that.

It's sort of like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. They could never go back, just like we can never go back to our childhood before life got complicated. When it was easy to love without inhibitions, and you knew God because he was God. There was no question of his existence. You just knew. Like you knew your parents loved you. It was undoubtable.

The more you know, the more you find doubts about. You realize, what do you really know? I think that is what Jesus meant when he talked about having faith like a child. Children don't doubt because the "knowledge" of the world hasn't taught them the world isn't safe. They aren't jaded.

But sooner, more than later nowadays, they learn pain, evil and sadness. It is the knowledge of good and evil: emphasis on evil. Their hearts harden and the sting of the fall of mankind haunts them. We may not realize the implications the fall has caused until we realized where we once were.

The perfect garden. Immortilized in our minds as a day in our lives when we weren't burdened with the knowledge that we are no longer innocent. We merely were.­­

Painting courtesty of pincel3d

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Productivity Lemonade: How do I survive in the mundane working world?

"Go on the hunch of a man whose brain is fuelled by lemons!?"

In an attempt to be more productive. Which is honestly America’s favorite word: productivity.

“We must be more productive, people should be productive, companies should be productive. We must squeeze the little ‘producers’ like the lemons that they are and get the very last drop of juice out of them before we throw away the empty, shrunken, shriveled rind of a person that is left. But only after we’ve gotten all of their working days and productivity squeezed out of them.”

So, that might be a little morbid, but…that’s sort of my current outlook on life as a newly hired member of the American workforce.

Anyways, in an attempt to become more productive, I am trying a new style of writing. That is to say, I will be dictating what is on my mind to my digital recorder. Often times I find I lose a thought before I have a chance to write it down, which I believe is the story of my life. I never have any time to write anything down. For goodness sake, I’m a writer and I don’t have any time to write things down.

I find that thoughts occur to me in the oddest places: while driving, while in the bathtub, while at work when I need to be working and not writing things for fun, while walking down the sidewalk on the way to who knows where and other various, random places. I have no control over when inspiration strikes. My muse wakes up from whatever bender she’s been on and helps me to think of something brilliant (in the loosest sense of the term).

And I think of how inspired I feel and how much I want to write or blog or just type my feelings. But the American productivity takes over and I lose any time I would use for writing doing something mundane like laundry.

Maybe I’m not a writer. I don’t write because the need flows out of me; I write because it’s work. I guess I’m afraid of losing the joy, the spark, the whole reason I like to write. Beside the fact that as a journalist I like to meet people and hear their stories, I like to write because you’re recording history, you’re recording feelings and your connecting with other human beings in a deep and meaningful way (if it’s done correctly).

Of course I’m not saying that I’m an expert, but I have read experts and I know what good writing looks like. And honestly, how can you be good at writing if you don’t practice? Or if you don’t write something and let it go out into the wide world like a baby bird and see if it will fly or plummet to the ground at a speed of 9.8 m/s2 (which is as everyone knows the speed of gravity acceleration on earth).

So, I thought why don’t I just talk about what is on my mind, transcribe said interviews with myself and upload it to my blog. **Pause for deep thought**

After a pause for deep thought (no I won’t tell you the question for the meaning of life, the universe and everything), I’ve decided to continue this blog in the same happy, upbeat way I began it: talking about productivity and work and the working world.

I wish I could say I had more positive responses. Honestly, I think I have worked quite a bit. I would like to think that my time working at my college newspaper was a pretty regular job. I would come in at 8 or 9 a.m. and work until 5 or 6 p.m. with obvious breaks for classes, interviews and food. It was a happy existence. I had the opportunity to wear T-shirts, shorts and flip-flops every day or dress medium, medium well or well done. (I tend to think that wardrobe can be rated on the same scale as a cooked beef.)


I think I had a pretty regular working schedule, and that was actually what I was striving for. So that when I assimilated into this mode that is the American working day, I would have no trouble adjusting.

I had the same type of schedule at camps, only it was more amplified. The hours were from around 7 a.m. to midnight. Insane schedules! There were plenty of breaks, but it was still really arduous work.

At the same time I think that both of these jobs were connected to something I really enjoyed, I got to hang with people I loved and I got to have fun.

I think I’m still searching for that in my new job. I’m not saying I’m required to have fun at work. But it’s a big bonus to have fun at work. So, maybe that’s my problem. I’m not having as much fun as I could.

What’s that? I can hear all of you wry, sarcastic people in the back. You’re probably thinking about the first time you were disillusioned with your 8-5 job, and trust me I’ve heard it enough from my father who likes to josh me about, “Welcome to the real world.” Still, I think that my experiences in the working world have been better than what they are right now.

There have been bright days, but on the whole I can’t same that I’m enamored with my new job, yet. It could be that I’m still in the adjustment period, and it is a BIG adjustment as everyone reminds me. I guess I’m suffering from boredom and fatigue and maybe the novelty of my job. Not in the sense of a novelty toy, but as a new thing. As the dictionary probably defines it, something new and different, something unique or something I haven’t experienced before.

The novelty of the “mundaness” of life. I don’t know. I would like to think that there’s a lot more to life than “mundanity,” as if that’s even a word. It kind of calls to mind a picture of the Vogon in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (rock on all your nerdfighters[i] out there who enjoy that). A Vogon’s life is run by rules and regulations, paperwork and set schedules that never change. On a whole that’s quite depressing. The worst part is they don’t realize how depressing it is because that’s what they’ve always done. AHHHHHHH! Please save me from that type of drone-like existence.

I’m trying to figure out what the solution is, but I can’t. Maybe it’s giving up and being assimilated into the borg that is American working life or maybe there are other alternatives. This is something to explore in the future. If you have any suggestions please let me know.

This is Sarah-Jane signing off: sayonara, ciao, good night.
Transcribed from a 9:49 min. interview.


[i]: Nerdfighter is the official name for the viewers of the Brotherhood 2.0 v-log on YouTube.Or the name of a nerd who knows kung fu or other fighting skill.

There Is No Time Like the Present

I have been struggling in my mind over the future. Ever do that? I have called friends and mentors for guidance, and I have flippantly prayed. You know the kind of prayer that seems like work to fit into 5 minutes. Well, it seems God listen to that too. Though I am ashamed to know he does.

I have been avoiding the future. I have all summer at school before I need to decide definitely where I’ll be working. I’m nervous about making a major decision because it seems ages ago that I chose the things that have brought me to where I am now.

I remember the peace I felt sitting in the Burt Gazebo on a cool Fall Preview night. I remember the “Ah Ha!” moment when I finally chose journalism, though it had long before chosen me. I remember the clear calling to ministry that welled inside of me like a sincere hunger to serve God and love his people.Though the light bulb moments of my life have clearly defined my path thus far, I cannot remember how I came to them. Is there some magic process to making the “right” decisions?

Depressingly enough, I am currently going through the book of Ecclesiastes as a part of my devotion time. I say depressing because “Every thing is meaningless” does not exactly inspire hope about choosing a career path. However, through the straight-forward preaching on Matt Chandler’s podcasts (available at http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/database_scripture.html) I am starting to grasp what it means to live “Beyond the Sun.” If you’re interested in learning more, I highly recommend downloading the podcasts and listening for yourself.

I am also working on finding the next step for me. I called Shawn Shannon to ask for advice, and she gave me a good start on the recipe of making Godly decisions:

1. Surrender yourself to God’s will

2. Gather information

3. Pray specifically and fervently (not flippantly)

4. Wait for divine providence

Currently I am in the waiting stage. Another thing I was interested in knowing was how you can be sure you’re in the right place. I walked around my prospective place of employment and tried in vain to find an “Ah Ha!” or deep peace feeling. The walk seemed rather silly and too caught up on sensibility to be a good judge of the job.

Today, I rode my bike the three and some odd miles from my house to the public lake and went for a swim. It was a big-sky Texas day with deep blue stretching out into infinity and giant cumulous clouds giving the hill country the appearance of mountain ranges.

As I rode I could smell the perfume of spring in the country—an odd mixture of wildflowers, earth, the occasional cow and a Texas breeze bringing a million other scents together into one clean breathe after another. You may laugh, but that is the smell of my childhood, the smell of home.

The mixture of familiar scents and the beauty of the sky was overwhelming. I felt deep peace and an understanding that for today that feeling was all I needed. The words from the age-old hymn How Great Thou Art rang in my mind as the only response to what I saw and how I felt.

Later after mulling over the moments of that bike ride and trying to form them into the best word picture possible, remembered a passage in Matthew that made me smile.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?.... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-27; 33-34

I know I am where I need to be right now. The future is in God’s capable hands, and I will now forever be reminded of that when I look around my own backyard. Look at the birds of the air, look at the lilies of the field, they do not worry past today, and I will endeavor to do the same. The future is not as good as today.

The great state with an even greater energy crisis:

To make his breakfast, Ed Begley Jr. pedals for 10 minutes on a stationary bike hooked up to the batteries that run his house. In the time it takes many Americans to sleep between snooze button cycles, he generates enough energy to make two pieces of toast.

On the amusing HGTV series Living with Ed, a recent TV show following environmentalist actor Begley’s life with his wife Rachelle, viewers get insight into the life of an energy conservationist. Through his many energy efficient schemes, Begley is constantly bugging his spouse with his solar oven, environmentally safe cleaning products and calculations of how much water she wastes in a long shower.Though the show is an apt caricature of the clash between the energy conscious and wattage wasters, the demand for power is on the rise, as is the price.

Electric rates tied to natural gas, weather

In Texas’ deregulated energy market, TXU Corp. and other companies have struggled to keep up with the costs of powering such a large state. During the summer, especially, electricity bills go through the roof due to the necessity of air conditioning.

Another rate raiser is the market’s over-dependence on natural gas. Texas generation plants are 47 percent gas-powered, and the rest are primarily coal. When the gas storage is low, the electric prices go up. Also, if the weather is colder or warmer than expected, rates rise again.

It stands to reason that a state so plagued by capricious weather would not seek to tie its electricity rates to the rise and fall of temperature. Just as one day may be freezing and the next day in the 90s, so one month’s bill could be low with the next skyrocketing.

The other stable source of power currently in Texas is that from the coal industry. Recently, TXU attempted to build 11 new coal plants referred to as the “ring of fire” by protesters. The plans fell through, and the company cut back to a trifecta of plants, which salved those opposed to TXU’s proposition. However, the move did not solve any long-term environmental issues with new coal factories.

Along with the new plants, and the other 17 currently operating sites in Texas, will come tons of toxic combustion waste and carbon dioxide. The American Lung Association estimates that 24,000 people die prematurely each year from power-plant pollution, and Al Gore swears it creates the controversial global warming phenomenon—which was once again supported by the snow two weeks ago in central Texas. It sure is getting warmer here.

Although the coal industry produces cheaper kilowatts, the dangers outweigh the benefits. So where’s a Texan to turn? Oil prices have been steadily rising, as seen at the pump; natural gas is still an unstable market, despite new bills to search for it in the Gulf, and coal is just plain dirty. Dare I say, “Nuclear?”

More nuclear plants planned for 2015

That’s the direction TXU is headed. The company plans to build up to three new nuclear plants by 2015. The chairman and CEO, C. John Wilder, commented in a press release, “Nuclear generation offers the potential to deliver our customers lower, stable prices and continue to reduce Texas’ over-reliance on natural gas.”

But what about risk? Everyone’s mind flashes to the Chernobyl disaster of 1986, the world’s worst nuclear power accident.

It occurred when a flawed Soviet reactor design met with mistakes by plant operators. According to the Chernobyl Fact File report published by NucNet in 2006, the result was two explosions, 31 deaths of plant workers, the possibility of 4,000 premature deaths due to radiation exposure and a black cloud over the nuclear energy industry. So far, out of those 4,000, only 50 have died prematurely, according to a mid-2005 study.

Along with the death toll was the high risk of contracting thyroid cancer, but among the 4,000 cases connected with Chernobyl, there has been a 99 percent success rate of survival with treatment. It was a horrible disaster—a view of nuclear power at its worst. But the reason for the explosions was a faulty design. On the positive side, engineers have created a much safer form of nuclear power that is now being used all over the world, including Texas.

Compared to the almost 50 deaths each year in direct connection to the coal industry—remember the Sago Mine disaster in January 2006—the Chernobyl statistics are relatively small, though it will take a major marketing campaign to get the general public to see that. There is also the concern of nuclear waste which has to be stored until the level of radioactivity is reduced to a safe level. The storage time can last for 50 years in the case of low-level waste.

Renewable energy still untapped

Other viable options for reduction of electricity costs come in the form of nature’s renewable wind, solar and water or hydro power. Texas has an abundance of all these resources, especially its summer sun.

With innovations in solar panels, some that even look like roof shingles, the same sun that causes the high temperatures Texas is famous for could power the air conditioners to keep us cool. As a state, we are not yet harnessing these renewable and free resources enough to make a large difference in our electricity bills, but the time to start is now.

According to a recent survey by the World Coal Institute, the main sources for global energy are the non-renewable fossil fuels: oil, 34.3 percent; coal, 25.1 percent and gas, 20.9 percent. The other 19.7 percent is made up of nuclear, hydro, geothermal, solar and wind power.

The current trend has served well for years when the U.S. had control over more oil than it does now. We burned through resources like there was no tomorrow. But tomorrow is here, and it is time to reevaluate the system before we’re all stuck on stationary bikes trying to make toast.